Tuesday, December 14, 2010

SE7EN

Papa:see see..how our Stud is dying!!
Mom: What d hell...he's God-damn Studying!
Papa:Point is..its all the same when u utter it with a deep sigh in between!

Phew!! Hell yeah I almost died dis End-sem, dying fr the 7th tym.They say d cat has nine lives..I say 2 Them "Abe oyee engineer ke bhi utne hi hein".. surviving 8 deaths isn't easy :| I must admit (for M.Tech guys??Lemme say all r Rajnikant's progenies..n u know Rajni has even created 4 xtra lives fr them in a bargain with God!)

But this tym..d death was 'DIFFERENT' coz of a different killer! ne guesses?? SHEILAAAAAA! (ya..she is RED hot)
Forget about Telivision!!In articles..Internet..even in Facebook posts,SHEILA is rampant.
By the way..if nebody wud hav cared 2 read my previous post on my TATA STEEL internship..shud know that,got placed in there!So the recent news about my in-laws in the "taped n trapped" controversy deserves sum sorta reaction frm me!Isn't it? :)

So here is my tribute to both SHEILA and NIIRA...My way!!

NIIRA RADIA(to the media reg. the Tapes):
I know u want it,but u neva gonna get it..tere haath kabhi na aani!!
Maane na maane ye media yeh saari,mere tapes hi hai deewaani.
(repeats)
BARKHA DUTT:
Ab dil karta hai haule haule se iska mein gala dabauun,
Kisi aur ki mujhko zaroorat kya,mein toh khud hi waar karwauun,

A.RAJA:
Wats her name?..wats her name?..wats her name?

NIIRA RADIA:
My name is NIIRAAAAAAAAAA....NIIRA ki badnaami,
I'm so filthy for u,koi mere paas na aani :( !!
No no no no no.. NIIRAAAAAAAAAA....NIIRA ki badnaami,
I'm so filthy for u,koi mere paas na aani :( !!

RATAN TATA:
Silly Silly Silly girl.. Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh,
Mujhe "Hello,hello" karti hai.... Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh,
Jab yuun phone pick up karun,
Haule haule taane deti hai,
Hai magar......be-asar.....mujhpe har paintra(reg. filing the recent petition..lol :))

A.RAJA(busy in 'Quawaali' after resigning):
Hai re hai paisa maare humko ho gaye sau arsee re,
Sookhe dil pe meghaa ban ke....Media ki krupa toh barse re!!!

NIIRA RADIA(aftr release of new tapes):
I know u've got it,but u neva gonna use it..tere haath kabhi na aani!!
Maane na maane..yeh sale media wale hi...pila chuke hai mujhko paani!!
(repeats)

CHORUS(Rajdeep Sardesai,Vir Sanghvi n Co.)
Ain't nobody has a rhapsody like NIIRAAAAA..
Ain't nobody has a threnody like NIIRAAAAA..
Everybody wants to have a bite at NIIRAAAAA..
Ain't nobody has a tragedy like NIIRAAAAA..

-Anurag Mishra
7th Semester Survivor!

Monday, February 8, 2010

Interviewed..Intrigued..but most importantly...not Screwed!!!



"abe Anurag..apna mail chek kar be..TATA STEEL is cumin 2 NIT RKL 4 interns"..says my hostelite fren.Shit...I hate bein aloof 2 all d news arnd just by not bein a hostelite. And wenz d test...2 days 4m now...Waaah!!!Why evrythin happens in NIT in d 11th hour..Leave it..sum things better left half written...

After 2 days

We had no idea..wat was goin 2 happn dat day..written,written then GD,GD n PI..or sumthin else.I went ther open minded(matlab blank minded..obviously!).Then a gulti came...(By d way..Gulti in our cllg means a southie n not Goo+oolti...hehehe).In d mail,it was mentioned dat students from 7 branches wer eligible 4 this TATA Test. But d Gulti came n said that only Elec,Mech,Meta, n Mining studnts wer allowed..wich increased our self importance 2 paramount level..It was a general test..with both Technical n Aptitude sections...after d test..these general reactions came..4m the Elec studs..

Stud No 1- Kya be..itna jhaantu paper tha..thoda toh challenging karta..chii..tym waste!!
Stud No 2-Kya sirf written..no GD n all..bhakk..kya be..bekar ho gaya sala..
Stud No 3-Chii yaar... kharab ho gaya...70 se 9 tho nahi kar paya..(Uska address dhoond raha hun mein..dhounga pakad ke!!)

"Haan bhai..tum hi log Einstien ho.. jis Einstien ka foto hum log dekhte hein.. wo toh bas jhoot moot ka foto utha diya hai.."I muttered amidst their complacency.

Wen all had thought..it was just the writtn test..n the test toppers wud qualify 4 TATA interns..d results wer out..n it suggested that d shortlisted candidates wud hav 2 go thru another round i.e the PI(poora interview :) ) round.My name was short listed along with few southies like
1.R.Vijay
2.K.Anil kumar
3.M.V.Ashwin
I strongly felt that my name wud hav been "M.Anurag" 2 suit that list..hehe. All wer a bit taken aback not 2 find the big names(or in NIT lingo "GMAT"- G**d mein atyadhik tension)of Elec. engg in that list wich suggested it was purely based upon that written test rather than our Grade points.

And d pity was that, Sunday was d interview n I came 2 know abt this on Saturday night at abt 9:30 pm.Padhna toh duur ki baat hai..apna CV banate banate raat 3:30 baj gaye.Then aftr a 5 hour sleep...I went 2 college as the schduled PI timing was at 9:30 am.But...but... but... it was postponed to at first 12 O'clock..n then to 2:30 pm justifying d 3rd line of my blog post.These interim hours..were nervi & funny at the same tym."Nervi" coz it was goin 2 be my 1st "Big" interview..apart from d cheap viva-voce of our insti wich r heavily girls-oriented! n "Funny" coz evryone was lukin at us differntly coz of our attire that day..I myself was in jeans.."Semi-formal"....Vijay n Ashwin - "Formal"...n Anil - "Goddamn Formal!!!" was already lukin lyk an Executive.

We wer,so 2 say "hiding" inside the library rather than studying nething. Amidst the discussion,1 of our frens saw us,came 2 us n asked Anil,"How do u feel b4 d interview?" 2 which Anil answered "I don even deserve 2 be in the interview".I salute his honesty..n wid this +ve feeling..we went 2 hostel 4 lunch.In hostel..lots of congrats abt 1st round selection...querries abt the PI...laughs on our dress code poured our way!We bunked our lab of 1:15 pm..with our deadly weapon of "TATA internship interview" n reached the Institute Guest house by 2:30.
It was "Show time".My ntry 2 the Guest house was not at all welcuming.Ther wer 2 Final yr volunteers,helping TATA officials in d PI process. Seeing my "informal"ity(Refer d pic above in wich i feel embarrased of it), one of them said.."Oye hero...idhar aa..idhar aa...Yeh sab kya hai..Do u kno the status of TATA STEEL...In PI d first impression decides your fate..blah blah..Kahan kahan se aa jate hein..sale."I thought.."Haan bhai...tu hi mera bhagya vidhata hai..tujhe saaaab maloom hai...am an idiot,a loser..n u r bloody abuser."I didn't xpress nething coz I wanted 2 keep my concentration goin. My turn came.Ther were 2 persons..1 jawan..n 1 oldie.This is what happened...
Jawan: Hello Anurag! Introduce urself..
Me: Sir..myself Anurag Mishra,doing my B.tech in Elec Engg here in NITRKL and am in 3rd yr(sala..its so obvious! Even both of them kno this.)I passed from matriculation from ISCE board with 93% n Intermideate with 91.7%.Am a dayscholar residin in Rourkela itself.

Oldie: Why do u intend 2 do ur intern under TATA STEEL?
Me: Sir,I just want 2 correct u that I am not goin 2 work under TS,but with TS and try to share its success.I want to work in the lateral structure rather than hierarchical structure..coz I think that is wen I can giv my max 2 the company.(Ekdum jhoot!!)
Oldie: It is nice 2 hear that from u! But how do u know..TS has a lateral structure?
Me: Actually Sir, I had read the interview article of TS's MD..n he had emphasized this point of his.(Ek jhoot ko choopane ke liye aur ek jhooth!)

Oldie: But why shud TS take u?
Me(thinking..aree kyun nahi loge be ..I just want 2 get in..thats enou!): Coz sir,apart from an electrical engg perspective,I hav sound technical knowledge in d field of Computer science..So i can be of use in that aspect also..like website designing..managing database..as I dont want 2 keep them as just my hobby anymore wen they can boost my profession.

Jawan:It seems ur good in studies..u hav got 9.28 CG..so wats apart from that???
Me: Sir, I have built 2 professional websites..1 for my own institute's club ..n other for a private company...and hav contributed 2 many other college fest sites.I blog a lot. am d member of Insti cricket squad..n two times inter hall champs(act. its 1 tym..kya farak padta hai..)blah blah..(tarriff pe tarriff...tarriff pe tarriff).

Oldie: U r at a gud position now..means grade wise!So say aftr 6th sem u get placed,so will u get complacent?
Me:Sir actually its not abt complacency.Generally,I start all preps 3-4 days before sems..at that tym will also do the same..wat may happen is irrelevant 2 my complacency..but at max it may so happen 3-4 days may go down to 1-2.(With Smiles!)

Jawan:Ok..fine...so wats ur 1 proudest moment..in NIT..Name only 1.
Me: Hmmm...sir u may just find it a bit childish..but the day in first yr..we defeated final yr students in the super six cricket turnament..was easily my best day in NIT till date..we r d only 1st yrs to have won that turnament till now.That moment is the clear winner 2 ur question.

Oldie: Where do u c urself in future ?
Me(controlled myself from saying IIMs or MD of sum company or dat sort of thing ):Sir,serving my company with my full capability..managing my sub-ordinates with proper respect 4 them 2 xtract max out of them.

Oldie: Do u have any questions 2 ask us?
Me: Surely sir! Wats d reason behind the latest growth in profit of TS from 466 Cr.in DEC 2008 to 1192 Cr. in DEC 2009?
Oldie:!@#$%^&^%$%^$&*%$*))$$#(*)$^%$#%%$&))(&**^^*^*()&$#$#%$$^&*(&%^&$%#%$^%*(*)_ (means i wasnt listening 2 him..I was just nodding 2 him wer as thinkin that my Google Search last nite on "recent TATA STEEL news" was successfully executed.)


Oldie:Thank you Anurag!
Me:Thank you sir..hav a nice day(n make my summer a nice one too :))

Oh..n abt the results...I can say this much that..my frens greeted me the next day..with d most famous word in our cllg..."treat."

Sunday, January 31, 2010

n they said...CAT is the toughest!!!



"chii..chiiiiiiiiii..chhhkkk..chkk"  sounds familiar???

Andheri raaton mein,
Sunsaan gharoon par,
Jab eeeek "chuuuha" nikalta hai...
Use log "tu chale jah" kehte hein.

here's the line up...(not as long as d 15-member Indian cricket squad.. but Trust me!! dey r equally challengable.)

Naam - Chotta Chhhatri...also known as "cc"(due 2 striking resemblance between its initials n its rediculously miniature size)
Baap ka naam - Kanyoom Khatriii...such a sneaky son of a bitch one cud hav ever imagined..boy!
Maa ka naam - Yedi Mausi!

Day-1,8:30 am:
Mummy n papa conversing...
Mom-we hav 2 do sumthin abt it..its gettin 2 mischievous...startin 4m bananas,vegetabls..to the couch covers in the closet..its invasion has been alarmingly increasing over the days..
Me,pretending 2 b unconscious(wich I actually am during sleep) was eavesdropping...n suddenly burst in2 laughter 2 add to the irritation of my mom..n latched a sarcastic 1-liner "aree ganeshji swayam padhaare hein humare dwar..aur aap hein ki tuuch vastu ko leke pareshaan hein...hehehe".
Mom - haan haan uda mazakk...
That nite..deviating 4m my actual nocturnal self..I slept at about 11:30..unknown of the fact dat next day I was goin 2 receive a big Jhatka!!

Day-2,7:15 am:
Mom-Babu..dekh apna yeh tuuch vastu..Jai ho shree Ganesh ki..
Even in my half-closed eyes..I cud recognize.. that was my Fastrack Wrist watch(n yes..Limited Collection).But it seemed a bit different..a bit..OMG!!!its band was corroded like...like a RAT had..Wat d F**k!!!then I had realized that so called "cc" had ruined my invaluable watch n my mom had taken revenge of my sarcasm.
Mom-Too bad..so saaad!!!
Me(infuriated):Maa...we hav 2 do sumthin abt this "mirchi bomb"..its getting 2 mischievous(notice d xact words as my mom d last day..its funny how 1's reaction changes depending upon "waqt n halaat").
Widout wastin much tym,I did 2 things..Got my watch done..n more importantly RAT Poison.. "hihahahaha!! 'cc' aaj toh tu gaya..." I thought.

Day-3,7:30 am:
Mom-Babu c who's ther...its ur "Mirchi bomb"..but wid no 'spice' ne more ...
It was the best alarm I had evr heard...went 2 c that ugly asshole n waaah!wat a sight!!Silence prevailed.Mom asked me dispose that thing..I took it..threw in the dustbin...showed it my middle finger...n said "Dont Rest In Peace".
Just wen I thought life had become better,I heard Mom saying sumthing 2 papa..wich sounded like "..haan..that small one is gone.. but the big one is still alive n kicking!!".
Me-Oh,no...not any more,plz Ganesh ji..I want ur blessings not ur "Chelas".That nite,I kept my watch(not in d usual condition..but still Limited Collection :))above the Fridge rather than the shelf n also planted the poison..in order 2 verify..they r dead..they r AAALLLL dead!!

Day-4,8:45 am:
That morning,Mom's call neither sounded sarcastic nor joyous,rather it sounded sorry...sorry 4 me.I thought the protagonist was dead,but I was wrong..so terribly wrong!After 'cc',it was 'kk' who exhibited the tag "Revenge of the fallen" !!Aur saalon ko meri ghadi hi mili thi..it was back 2 d condition in wich it was xactly 24 hrs b4,rotten!!One cant believe how 'kk' got 2 my watch..that nite..it got thru the backward circuitry of the fridge n luckily(n unluckily 4 me) d fridge was switched off. This tym even the watch shopkeeper laughed at my Tragic saga..2 wich I responded spontaneously "chal chal..apna kam kar".I had decided that no more poison..coz mom said this "kk"(Kutta Kamina) knew from the smell of the poison.. wat it actually was.So I decided 2 end this once 4 all wid a Mouse Trap!
In d nite tym, I planted kk's favourite material(no!! not my watch but a shinning slice of tomato(minus poison obv.))inside the trap n everything was set up nicely 4 the Villainous 'kk'.

Day-5,6:30 am:
"Dhip Dhip.....Ddhipppp".
"It's in"...Mom shouted wid joy.I jumped off my bed 2 hav that view..n seeing it inside I cudn't control sayin,
"Ram Naam satya hai..yeh nazaara mast hai!".It was quite an achievement,I tell u. Phew!!!!
That nite,ther was no sound of utensils,nothing was damaged,my watch was alright, n no more RAT in d TRAP nxt morning.So I concluded dat " Yedi mausi is not dat yedi 2 stay in our house n get killed by me." n 4m then on we r living happily widout d "RAT" factor.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

U n me..me n U ,aur beech mein kuch frustoo!

 me:-

इस ब्लॉग के कोई भी घटनाएँ और पात्र काल्पनिक नहीं है और इनका बहुत से "item" लोगों से अटूट सम्बन्ध है. यदि इन घटनाओं के लिए किसीका कोई संदर्भ (means reference.. i had 2 search the hindi counterpart for it.. c how much hardwork is put in2 dis.)है तोह वोह सच है .  बहुत सारे  भयंकर नर और मादा के विभिन प्रजातियाँ हमारे यहाँ  पाए जाते हैं.आईये आपका इस NIT नामक फक्किंग(no astericks reqd..yippi) चिडियाघर में स्वागत है.  
u:-

हाँ हाँ.. हो गया..हो गया(में समझ गया  की साला तू  हिंदी विंदी लिख के impress करना चाहता है )...आज के लिए इतना हिंदी काफी है..चल अभी line पे आजा.
me:-

okay boss..aa gaya line mein(the emotion is in hindi..but the language is English..hope its enou)Throwin sum more light on the disclaimr..this post is abt our insti's so called TEACHERS..or comical CREATURES(obv. not all..kya pata koi teachr hi padha raha ho toh.. let me play safe). So widout ne futhr delay,lets roll...
u:-

haan saale..play safe..dravid ka bhatija..
me:-

Subject -1: Subbu...Our HOD(Hero of the Dept)He makes u feel like ikiis saal ka boodha..n he himself pachas saal ka jawaan..looks r aristocratic..but 1ce he opens his mouth....Yeshh...Yeshh( pronounces "s" as "shhh")..dignity terminates,comedy emanates.Durin Suhaag raat,he might hav said..let hav sum shheks...(dekh daant mat dikha). Lost in self importance,unsure wen asked doubts..blah blah..inspite of these facts I dont hav much 2 say against him coz he doesnt disturb us in our back bench talks..So i m like "Cool" with him..& my conclusion 4 him is  a "HERO HEERA LAL".

u:- hihihi..shheks..shhhhahi..oops, i mean sahi :)

me:-

Subject 2:- 
 Jacko..the pyscho.Sumtyms I ask God,y this person researched for awful 30 yrs in our field of study...the answer I get.."Baccha.. he did so only 2 f**k u tym n tym again.".Yes God u r true, I say.Evry tym u face him,u realize that u kno nothing...n trust me..u learn it d HARD WAY...Conceptually he's brilliant(aftr all 30 yrs :-) )..but nature wise..hyperdominant. And ther is further news that he'z appointed the new VC of the BPUT university..its bad..soooo sad :-)[dat was fr BPUT students] .Sabhi sabutaun ko madde nazar rakhte hue adalat yeh faisla sunati hai ki..he is a "MEGALOMANIAC".

u:- God bhi aaj kal non-veg kehna start kar diye.. gud god!

me:- 

Subject 3:-
Bahar se Danger Sahoo(BD Sahoo)..of the CS dept. I facd him wen i had some uploading of website job for the insti. But he, boy! lemme put the xact interaction..

myself :- Sir, actually I request u to grant permision 4 the webspace of our club....plz if u cud ask the server room officials 2 forward  the process.
BDS :- Haan,kyun nahi. Kal koi "playboy" ka bhi site bana lena ,aur mera permission zaroorat pade toh le jana.You all r suffering 4m inferiority complex, n want 2 xhibit urselves in frnt of others by these websites n all. Go...
myself(stunned..where 4m this "playboy" thing came 4m ..zaroor yeh khud hi dekhta hoga ):- Sir , but Dir sir has asked u 2 do this..plz if u cud co-operate..we wll b thankful..
BDS:- Director..wo toh baccha hai..usko kuch nahi maloom..mera exp. usse kaafi zyada hai.. blah blah.

I cudn't take it any more..n went in a point-blank manner widout caring wat he thought abt dat .Next day I went 2 him with a written directive 4m the Dir..n he like a good boy gave his permission without any further glitches.."FATTU" kahin ka. Bahar se Danger,saddha hua andar :)

Yeh toh bas trailer tha..poori picture toh jhel hi nahi paooge mere dost...

u:- chalo bhaiii..isko kuch comment de dete hein !!  :-)