Failing to find the 'Good' in a 'Good-Bye'

“Chal …Bye Anurag. Baad mein milte hein :)”

So mundane…so inconsequential…isn’t it?

You don’t even give a shit to these phrases when you are busy, when you are in a hurry…I mean when you are just NORMAL!!! But the time myself and am sure my friends also must have been through, I bet nothing was normal. There was a frightening assimilation of emotions. There was an overwhelming joy of becoming an engineer (Its my request that please don’t question the validity of my degree coz I know I can’t justify), there was a sense of suicide seeing all the “Viva-project Thesis-seminar-lab” shit during the last few days of the good four-year vacation, there was a sense of hopelessness to even imagine the impending void without the best of friends of my life, and to make things more fuzzy, there was this abhorrent feeling of working UNDER someone devoid of the trademark FREEDOM of us,The Engineers! Imagine!

Now the “Bye” seems like an infinite stoppage and the “Baad mein” seems to occur never!

To make things worse is the fact that I am a day scholar. No no…I am not god-damn complaining! Just the point that – When some people have given you the best of moments of your life, leaving them gives you the most paralyzing of times ever. I have been very fortunate to relish the company of my family during the Engg. period, when all of my college friends were badly craving for it. And when these four years have passed out in a jiffy, when there is a substantial change from being a toddler to that of adulthood, suddenly I realize that I too have to taste that bitter fruit. That monstrous, badly-disfigured, shit-like thing. That ugly bitch called ‘going away from your dear ones’. Totally Gross!

But this post is not what I feel. That is unimportant. This is about my near and dear ones esp. my mom and dad whom I would be leaving tomorrow. When my elder sis left for outside studies and later for job, I have seen them cry. Trust me…that was awfully bad. But they openly admitted that that was simply nothing as compared to what they would feel when I go coz’ after me going…they would be alone as they say. So I don’t know what to expect tomorrow. Mom’s eyes are always full of tears that do not even require triggering. ‘A volcano of emotions lurking to erupt’ will be an apt simile to describe her. Frankly, I have taken her for granted at many instances which I still regret. But at this moment of stand-still…when emotion has taken its toll, even the most phlegmatic of corners within me is willing to burst into tears. Yesterday, my mom called me to sleep with her once before I go. At midnight, when I woke up suddenly, I found her still clutching my hand firmly even in her deep sleep as if she was seeing a nightmare where some spooky devilish spirit was taking me with it away from her and she was trying her best to prevent it from happening. Moments!

It’s true, it’s frighteningly true,

True value of a person is realized when he is not with you,

Got to taste something filthily bitter,

To know the sweetness of honey,

This is LIFE for you and its Bitter-sweet Symphony,

And just as the Poets of the Fall say,

May be Tomorrow is a better day…

This is Anurag \m/ishra Signing off.